Demonised and Vilified

29th July 2010

'Sometimes you step off the pavement and get hit by a bus' grumbled the ex BP Chief in a fit of pique, blaming his plight on the unfairness of the press, whom he said had 'demonised and vilified' him. Of course, as we step off the pavement, most of us don't get hit by a bus carrying £12M in pension and payoff salary on our way to another job within the company with an expectation of up to £4M a year in pay and bonus to cushion the blow.

So Tony, a little advice, stop whinging and suck it up... like you should have in the Gulf of Mexico.

The Bill...

28th July 2010

As budget cuts loom, police services up and down the country look to the past for ways to maintain law and order, save money and slash overtime.

The emphasis will be to get officers on the street in a productive role, not back in the station doing paperwork.

We're going to see a return to the traditional lone bobby on the beat, using the latest technology to work efficiently.

To paraphrase Detective Inspector Gene Hunt "It's time to fire up the bicycle".

BP-To Russia with love...

27th July 2010

Outgoing BP Chief Tony Hayward, and by outgoing I don't mean bubbly, unless you count the black stuff spewing out of his oil pipe into the Gulf of Mexico, no, I mean "leaving his job by mutual consent", is off.

He's been reassigned to a joint venture in Russia with BP-TNK, taking with him a pension pot of £11M and a years salary of over £1M.

Why Russia? We can only speculate, but the person he's replacing had to be smuggled out in fear of his life amidst death threats... it would appear Tony "I just want my life back" has been sent to the Eastern Front.

Lockerbie disaster II

22nd July 2010

On his first official visit to America, the Prime Minister David Cameron has taken a bit of a kicking from President Obama, BP is knocking out enough oil into the Gulf of Mexico to write it's initials in the water large enough to be seen from the moon, and Britain has announced it's military withdrawal plans from Afghanistan in 2014... However one thing Cameron isn't taking it on the chin for, is the Scottish Executives decision to release the ailing Lockerbie bomber, Abdelbaset al-Megrahi, who seems to have made a miraculous recovery since his repatriation. As the drip, drip, drip of oil rings suspiciously in the ears of the American Senate, only time will tell if Scotland was acting with a compassionate heart or haggling in blood.

The Third Mandelson

20th July 2010

Murder has been committed, and yet again Mandelson knows where the body is buried. He has plugged his book to death and now points a boney finger from every television, newspaper & magazine to where we can find it's stinking corpse.

In his desire to please & sell, he dishes dirt, fawns & teases on television slots and even dresses as a camp, luvvie storyteller, complete with smoking jacket and smirk.

His book reveals that Blair and Brown didn't get on... "The Third Man", a one dimensional tale from a two-faced snitch.

Veiled threat?

14th July 2010

Following a Belgian ban on the burkha the French parliament has adopted a formal motion that the burkha is "an affront to the nation's values".

President Nicolas Sarkozy supports the ban and his cabinet is considering a draft bill featuring a one-year prison sentence and fines up to £14,000 on husbands who force their wives to wear a burkha.

The new law would create an offence of "incitement to cover the face for reasons of gender".

Poor Michael Jackson must be spinning in his grave.

World Cup Final Result 2010

12 July 2010

In a game dirtier than Tony Haywards wellies, Spain have snatched the 2010 World Cup from Holland with an extra-time goal scored by Andres Inesta, giving them a well deserved 1-0 win against the ever more defensively hacking Dutch team in Johannesburg.

English referee, Howard Webb, will be lucky to get away without injury, not from physical violence, but from the repetitive strain of raising his yellow and red cards throughout the match, he issued 13 bookings, resulting in one Dutch sending-off.

Spain now holds both the European and the World Cup, becoming only the third nation to achieve this accolade. Holland, you leave with nothing...