The Third Mandelson

20th July 2010

Murder has been committed, and yet again Mandelson knows where the body is buried. He has plugged his book to death and now points a boney finger from every television, newspaper & magazine to where we can find it's stinking corpse.

In his desire to please & sell, he dishes dirt, fawns & teases on television slots and even dresses as a camp, luvvie storyteller, complete with smoking jacket and smirk.

His book reveals that Blair and Brown didn't get on... "The Third Man", a one dimensional tale from a two-faced snitch.

Iraq, for whom the till tolls...

Who's telling the truth, the current Prime Minister Gordon Brown, formerly the Chancellor when the Iraq war started, or the Joint Chiefs of Staff and the Defence Secretary who was in situ at the time? Were the military given an unlimited purse, or were they hamstrung by financial constraints, leading to shortages of vital equipment?

Someone is telling porkys, and the coming election may well hinge on who that turns out to be.

Bullying allegations confirmed by aide

New revelations in the form of a taped interview between pro-Labour journalist Suzie Mackenzie and one of Gordon Browns closest aides, Dr Stewart Wood, appear to confirm that allegations of bullying behaviour at No 10 are indeed true.

Ms Mackenzie says she made the tape public because people have the right to ask 'Is Gordon Brown fit to be Prime Minister?'

'Of course he is, we elected him... oh no, that's right we didn't...'

Bullying beefs up

The Prime Minister, Gordon Brown finds himself at the centre of a row with potentially devastating results. Is there a culture of bullying within No.10?

The opposition want an investigation, Labour ministers queue up to refute all allegations, and the press, sensing blood, pace the corridors of power looking for a cowed No.10 staffer with a fresh stapler bruise.

Bully helpline

The founder of the charity 'National Bullying Helpline', Christine Pratt, has lost the plot with Downing Street.

A newly published book details several alleged bullying outbursts by the PM Gordon Brown, which ministers categorically deny. However Mrs Pratt said she had personally taken a call from staff in the PMs Office. She said 'our leader should lead by example and follow due process'.

Perhaps the Chilcott inquiry could broaden it's remit?

Falkland Oilands

It was always going to happen, from the moment oil was discovered around the Falkland Islands we were on a countdown to the Argentine Government getting the hump and muttering 'Malvinas' again.

Mind you this could be just what Gordon Brown needs, it certainly worked for Margaret Thatcher in 1982. Of course in 1982 we had a Navy... and an Army... and an Airforce to send.

Looks set to become 'the Mother of all kerfuffles'.